Throwback Thursday

So in efforts to find the perfect Throwback Thursday picture... I fumbled through years of old pictures. 
Let me tell you that this took place after a 30 minute bath accompanied by the jams of one Frank Sinatra.  (You may be asking...."How on the planet did you get all those boys preoccupied to take a half hour soak...?"....Tennis and the anticipation of Spring Fling at school for an eager 7 year old.) Perfect! I'll take it!!!
So with my old school jams still humming in the background, I found myself living moments of yesteryear. 
It is clear like I have said before that time seems to be rushing on by like the crazy people that shop on Black Friday.

I found pictures of a younger thinner me. I found pics of the Captain looking as dapper as ever.  And then of course there was my Little Squish!!! Oh my goodness.... it's almost more than I am capable of handling.  One of my favorites is one of a tiny Shark in an "I ♡ Mom" shirt reaching his little arms up high for me to pick him up. The image causes a flood of emotions that begin with.... I can't remember the last time he did that. I remember when he turned one and we were slowly fading the bottle feedings out. Bedtime was special. I can still feel the way he felt in my arms as we rocked in the blue cushioned rocker. I remember so clearly the way he smelled, like the Lavendar Johnson's and Johnson's. He would smile up at me and with those playful eyes until sleep could no longer be resisted. I knew those moments where drawing near to the close. I can vividly remember reminding myself to file them away in a sacred place in my heart. And I did.
Every now and then my little boy with an old soul and longing himself to remember will crawl in my lap and let me pretend.
Today he seemed so grown up to me. He gets on the bus in the mornings and goes off to school and I drive 20 miles in the opposite direction.  HOW?? How do I let that driver pull away with the toddler that would always tell you where he was hiding in a game of Hide and Seek? How can I let my baby who wanted his milk warmed before bedtime until he was 6 go on about his day with out me???? I have absolutely no idea!!!!

Nostalgia

My New Year's Resolution was to blog. It is now April 9th!

When I was a little girl, I kept a journal. I still have all of them. They are filled with pages of doodles and names of random boys with a heart covering his name... then with an "X" over the top. Most of those pages cover topics of such... " Can you believe her?" or the ever so famous.... "I think I'm in love".

Now as I was thumbing through those faded pages I found something.....
I stopped as soon as I saw the date.... September 11, 2001.
I don't have to tell you what that day represents, you already know.

I was a Sophomore at Springville High School and I didn't need to read what I had written to remember every detail of the day, but I did anyway.

It told of how everything was pretty much normal until HomeEc class. Then everything changed. I wrote of how scared I was and how broken my heart felt for my country and every family that was now wrecked with sorrow for the loss of those that they loved. I thought of children who kissed their mommy for the last time on her way out the door to work and wives who would never hear those sweet words, "Honey I am home." I wrote of how my Dad was traveling into NY that morning but thanks to delays he never made it. I scribbled all of my fears and concerns and ended with what saying the Pledge of Allegiance now meant to me.

What I didn't write on those pages were things that were yet to happen.

As most people, I kept that moment tucked in my heart and the fear distracted. Years went on by and so did life. I am going to flash ahead to me meeting my Captain's family for the very first time. Boy, they were some charactors and I am sure you will get to read about someof them; but now we will meet a soldier.

Clint's oldest brother, Chet, is abrasive at first glance but he really is a big mush. He is funny and crude. I knew right away that I was somehow going to love him and be completely annoyed all at the same time. That night, I met his wife Alicia, soon to be pregnant or maybe pregnant then, and the prettiest blonde little girl I has ever seen, his daughter Autumn.

Where am I going with this you might be asking???

You see the pages from my journal would have never told of this brave man who would leave his family to fight in a war that started that day in September. It could have never told you of a wife, a mother, a daughter, a father, brothers, friends who would say countless prayers for his return. I don't remember when he left but I know I was still new to the family. We drove all the way to Fort Benning, GA to see him off. Everyone tried really hard not to cry at a moments notice but it was impossible. The truth was we didn't have a clue what would happen. I remember wanting to keep my eyes closed so that I didn't see the final farewells from Clint and Chip and Autumn and Alica and his mom and dad. It was too much for me.

The day the family got the call that he had been hit by an IED is blurry. In fact most of what followed was a blur. Details over the phone were not given to Alicia... I just remember that they left for Walter Read Hospital soon after that. He survived the explosion. The Lord has big plans for him I just know it. HBO happened to be there that very day filming a documentary and later we actually saw video of him coming of the helicopter with his head bandaged. Which was a bit easier to watch knowing he was at home most likely munching on some sort of Chet concoction that probably contained olives. To tell you that the story ends there would be a lie. Chet healed up and went back to finish his mission and then returned for the 3rd time a while back. I will never know how his wife truly felt next to an empty pillow while he was gone, but I know that she put on her strong supportive face and took care of business in his absence. I will never know of how much his babies missed him or how he felt knowing he wouldn't be there for the baseball games or to tuck them in at night. I don't know what Chet saw while he was over there. I don't really know much at all from the outside looking in. What was clear to me then and now is how precious this life is that the Lord gave us. It is ever changing and we know that we aren't promised tomorrow.

Lately, I have felt like the days and years are passing me right on by. We all can relate... we try so hard to Carpe the Diem and stop and smell the flowers....but life just gets so busy right...?

In my attempt to slow this pace down in my life and keep those moments... I want to attempt to blog/journal them everyday. I don't really like the word blog.... so I will call these.... blooms instead of blogs... Yes I like that better!

See if I would have kept on with my journaling I could have recalled those vivid moments from the story above... but with years of abuse to my scattered brain... let's be honest.. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast.

Maybe I can have a "Notebook" moment from these blooms or maybe when Connor is older he would be interested to know just what in the world I was thinking.... or maybe it will be just for me (and you of course) to reflect on moments. I don't know about you but I love that nostalgic feeling I get when I smell a smell that takes me back to a time in life... like the way erasers will always remind me of Moody Elementary or Mary Kay make-up reminds me of my Kindergarten teacher or how I will never be able to hear the word "pocket" without thinking of a tiny Connor telling me that he had put his patience in his "pock".

So here we go....