If you are a Judgey Judge Face, please feel free to unfriend me!

 

When I was growing up I remember being at my Grandmaw’s house on her front porch swing pouring my heart out to her because so many kids at school were being mean to me. They would criticize my hair, the fact that I had so many freckles, and huge eyes. They would judge and make fun of the clothes I wore. They would laugh at me because I was “weird”. Those middle school years sucked to say the least. I grew up poor, never had the new trendy clothes or gadgets. I was socially awkward on top of all of that. Hurtful words and action are hard to deal with at any age, but as a middle schooler it was hard to understand why we couldn’t all just support each other. I mean its the most awkward years of our lives and aren’t we all going through this together? I remember this particular evening with Grandmaw being so upset because I just knew that if I just had the cool clothes or shoes that everything would be ok. If I was just like everyone else, it wouldn’t be so bad. Somehow blending in would make my life easier or better. But my Grandmaw- the smartest woman I ever knew told me this….
“You are weird, but you are who you are”. She told me that it was our differences that make us special. She made me promise to never compromise myself for anyone. She then went on to speak to me the truest words I have ever heard. She said one day you will find people who love your weird because they are weirdos too.
And just like everything else she told me, she was right.
I am going to be very transparent here, probably more than I ever have before in my life… because I want to show you all how easy it is to conform- even when you think you are doing it to be better. I am not saying don’t improve yourself. We always should be looking to be a kinder person, we should always be learning something new. There will always be areas that require work. Just stay true to self along the way and self evaluate.
I can recall one period of my life that I did compromise who I was. It was a time when I was trying to “redefine” myself. It was during this period that I grew up a lot but also stopped being true to myself in order to “fit in” or get approval.
Side note: During this time, I met completely amazing people. People who have loved me through it all, people who have helped me better a better me, people who never judged me. I am so thankful for the many folks who I met during this time who are a light to me and my family.

So when you (if you are a Judgey Judge Face)- are reading this know that I still LOVE JESUS. Oh, and if you think that I am referring to you specifically- then I probably am. .
The Captain and I were going through the most difficult time in our marriage, it was very near over. We were not kids anymore, but also still not sure how to be adults; all while having a kid of our own and a mortgage. All of our friends at this time were in similar transition and it was just an all around strange time in our life. We knew something (Someone) was missing in our life so we decided to join a church. It changed our lives forever- for the first time, we had a meaningful relationship with Christ. I am forever grateful for the lessons that I learned during this time of my life. This is also the time period that I lost who I was in order to “fit the mold”.
During this time of trying to figure out who I was and who I was going to be, I started to become someone that repulsed me.
(Read here; that not everyone was as described. Again, I also met and still know caring, loving people during this time. But as you will read- some were meanies).
I was morphing into my surroundings by justifying judgement on others. It became the norm to gossip about others while masking it as concern. It was the norm to blast others for not believing the same as “us”. It was normal to “poke fun” of people who were struggling in some way or another. Loving others turned into loving those who looked like us, who lived like us, and isolating those who didn’t fall suit. I became part of a “click” with closed minds and closed off to the actual world around. It was like slowly all of my free thoughts were filtered through the direction of others. Some of the people that I called friends were just like the punks I knew in middle school. They still made fun of the way I dressed, the way I did my hair, and even the way I managed a health scare. They still ridiculed my decisions- the way I spent money, the way I raised my family, the hobbies that I loved, and the actual friends and family that I had. It was like we were all so busy looking at the flaws in others that our own issues became justifiable by comparison. At the time I didn’t realize that I was slowly becoming a mindless sheep all in the so called name of “freedom”. I may have stayed in this mind-numbing life phase had it not been for the love of one of my life long best friends- she was not in the “click”. To spare the details, a very lengthy story, and series of events, I will say this.
Be cautious of people whose actions don’t match their words.
At that moment I was suddenly very aware of all of me that I had compromised.
Now that lots of time since all of this has passed. I can clearly see the areas of myself that I allowed others to stipend. And I refuse to allow that in my life anymore. If I like it, I wear it. If I think it’s funny- I laugh… freaking loudly. If I want to say it, I say it confidently. I no longer keep quiet when hate is justified. I will no longer keep my mouth shut because the truth  exposes or offends.
You can judge me all you want, but you won’t hurt me. You can talk about me to all of your friends and laugh about how you think you are better than me, but you won’t dull my sparkle.
I WILL BE WHO I AM! (Big eyes and all!)



So, to make the point of this post.
If you follow me on social media and you feel the need to call your friends and judge me over a post I have made, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think you have it all figured out, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think you see every part of my life on social media, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think the way you believe is the only way, feel free to unfriend me.
If you hate on every post because it makes you feel better about yourself, feel free to unfriend me.
If you still act like middle school bully when you are a grown adult, feel free to unfriend me.
If you enjoy hating on every post just so you and your friends have something to talk about, stay tuned because there will plenty more to come so ENJOY THE SHOW! But be careful! Because I may give you a shout out.
I no longer need “friends” in my life who kill my vibe, who don’t support me, who don’t love me and my family. I no longer allow the opinions of others to define me or my character.
Because freedom is loving yourself. I know who I am. I am proud of where I have been and I know where I am going.
To all the others, thanks for all of your kind comments through the years. I love using social media to share goings on with friends and family who live far away or those I don’t see often. I love seeing your kiddos grow up and your date nights with your spouses. I love the food pics you share. I’ve gotten lots of good recipes from you guys. Keep sharing those travel pics of beautiful places. Thanks for sharing new RD pieces and new ways for me to use glitter. You are what makes it fun for me.
If you are currently struggling with “friends” who are negative to you, who treat you less than you deserve; trust me when I say this. “Bye, Felicia! You don’t need them. Stop hiding your thoughts because you are afraid. Stop hiding because they might see your weirdo.
I have found the most beautiful weirdos in the world to do life with. We all disagree on just about everything but we respect each others thoughts. We tell each other how it is. We raise our pack together, learning from mistakes and praising accomplishments. Life is about moments. When I think of some of the most joyful times in my life, these people were there, or will be there. When I have been broken, they helped put me back together. They help me grow and learn. We have fun together and we are never afraid to be freaking weird!

Who said girls like pink?

I don't often jump on a soapbox, but today I am just done with ignorance. I am done with folks just blindly following the "flow" because they don't know a better way, or simply because that is the way they were raised, or because it was always like that....


We live in a world full of possibilities, full of access to knowledge, full of opportunity for change. Somewhere along the way "diversity" became a bad word. Somewhere along the race of time, folks overlooked the power in change and instead closed their minds to anything beyond their spectrum.


I will say this. I am not right, I get it wrong often. But I am right about the power in love and the strength in "why".


I'm going to express the point of this post right now so that if you are a close minded Facebook troll, you can continue knowing that I am going to piss you off, or you can just hit the "X" on the top of your screen and carry on about your day.


The human race has forgotten how to love people and instead replaced love with a set of "rules" that demand explicit following and when not followed result in shaming and all sorts of ways to alienate you.


I have a few topics that really get me fired up in the world today. Here is one, and in no particular order I will cover a few more in the coming weeks.






Gender Norms
(I felt  your eyes roll as you read that.)


At the simplest form, boy/girl... right.? You have all seen the arguments, the shaming, the hate.


Go through our beloved Target and you will see a very clear line. Boy toys, girl toys, men's clothing, women's clothing... you get my point.


WHY are toys separated by gender, by color; blue/pink? WHY do we buy girls pink unicorn and tiara filled blankets and boys blankets with blue trucks or camo on them? Who decided that boys play with dump trucks and girls with baby dolls?


Is it reflective of the 50's when the norm was that women stayed home and took care of a home and kids while men worked? (Cuz... that was a few decades ago people... ) And on that topic, who said women couldn't work and men take care of the children???... So many questions. Who said a working mom was wrong? Who said a SAHM was wrong?  (These topics will be discussed later, so I won't go into that right here.)


Easily distracted.


Ok, back to irresponsible gender norms.


I have a super adorable 3 year old boy. He has no idea what a gender norm is. He doesn't know that they world says he can't play with this baby doll. He doesn't know when he picks up his hammer that "the man" with a head nod of approval says that's a boys toy and he should play with that. (Please tell me you hear how asinine that sounds as you read it... but isn't it true?!! He doesn't know that he is being looked at like he committed treason.







My son was given a baby doll, Emery, (pictured) by his bestie. He loves Emery. He often lugs her around the house and includes her in his many adventures in Legos, or playing on the slide in his playhouse out back. He loves to wrap her up in his blanket and snuggle her. To him, he is pretending he is a Papa Bear. He is showing her how he feels love. Why is he being told by family members that, "boys don't play with babies"? What message does that send?... Oh I will tell you the message, the ramifications of this particular stereotype.... It is my husband coming out of a bathroom with an unchanged infant because there is no changing table. Because somewhere years ago when a "men's bathroom" was created no one thought to put one in there... because that is when "women's work" bullshit reigned. And the worst part of that ... is MILLIONS of men's bathrooms have been built since with no changing table...because ... that's the way it was always done?? WHYYYY??? Because no one questions it? It also sends a clear message that men shouldn't be nurturers. Think about that for second.... What "boy" toy allows for nurturing? Is it the monster truck that crushes cars, or the action figure who blows stuff up, or the machine gun that pretend kills people??? Seriously.


So yes, if my son wants to play with a baby to mimic his Papa then fine. Because my husband breaks those "gender norms" every single day.

This picture was taken at the exact same time. My smoking hott hubs was cooking dinner for his family and there was Coop pretending to do the same.. being like Papa. Several people have mocked the fact that we bought him a play kitchen when he asked for it? But why?? Is cooking not a life skill and necessary for survival for both male and female? Why are these things marketed for girls? I gotta tell ya... my man can freakin cook. I love this about him. Men can be great chefs in real life but can't pretend to make their mama a freakin cookie on a plastic stove?? The "logic" blows my mind. Also, Coop has a cleaning cart that he plays with often. (Another area that seems to be a topic of conversation). Because in our house, we all clean. Laundry, dusting, vacuuming, etc. we all live there, we can all clean it up. Just because I have boobs doesn't not mean that the chores are left to me. There are fewer thing sexier than a man that just vacuumed while he was waiting to take dinner out of the oven.


I say these things to say this. There is nothing about cooking and cleaning that makes a man less of a "man". My husband doesn't "help" me in these areas because they are things that we are both responsible for. We are partners.

So now that we have discussed a few "gender norm" topics, I will get to my last point on the subject, appearance.

Several years ago, Shark, my oldest for those that don't know me in real life, was bullied by a TEACHER because of his long hair. He has always had great hair. At the time, he was in middle school and he had the most beautiful curls.

So on this day, the teacher was lining the kids up, boys and girls separately. Out of nowhere, she looked at Shark, in front of everyone, and said, "Connor, I think you should line up with the girls, since you have long hair".

This is a TRUE story.

Shark answered her with, "Are you really so naïve to think that all boys should have short hair and all girls should have long hair?" He then pointed out that her logic contradicted itself because she had short hair.

That kid constantly impresses me.

Coop has what he adorably calls his "baby bun. This is a toddler version of a man bun. It gets more condescending comments than you can ever imagine.

WHY does it matter? Are we any less or any more because of our hairstyle? Why does another person feel the arrogant need to comment in this area?

Coop also loves color nails, (nail polish). Again another area for people to talk about... Cooper loves colorful things and it makes him so excited to pick out different polishes.  But somewhere along the way someone deemed this a "girl thing". Why? Why does my husband get poked at because he likes to wear bracelets? And GEEZE you would have thought he murdered someone when he admits to getting a pedicure.  These are things of preference and self expression. I remember being in high school and one of my friends had a zit that he was sure was going to ruin prom, but he refused to put some concealer on it out of fear of what would be said if someone found out... so he spent all night self-conscience and trying to cover it with his hair and his hands. Again, someone said makeup is for girls... and bam no one asked why....

The gender norm topics that I have mentioned here are so surface compared to the turmoil that some face on this topic. It is truly heart breaking how many people out their have such closed minds but wide open mouths. I have been asked many times, about Coops nail polish or Sharks hair, why let them do that when they are just going to get made fun of?

Can you believe that question???? Let's break it down...

Why allow and promote self expression in your child?

Why allow them to be get unjustifiably bullied?

But that is the world we live in now folks. We live in a place that promotes quiet conformity. We see a time where it is ok to bully someone for being different then act outraged when we see things on the news about adolescent suicide.

Aren't you doing that though?


Are you telling your children about love? Are you a living example of compassion or are you snickering with them when you see someone who looks different that you? Are you pointing out the kid at Publix who is dressed in clothes you would never wear? Are you shaking your head in disappointment when you see something that doesn't match your beliefs?




You don't have to agree with me on this. You don't have to think that the way we raise our boys is ok. But what I am asking for is this....


How about you stop judging others based on your norm? What if you asked WHY instead of following the rest of the sheep.


It's perfectly ok to disagree with someone. It is not ok to bully, degrade, demean, and make someone feel less.




Live openly,
KK