“You are weird, but you are who you are”. She told me that it was our differences that make us special. She made me promise to never compromise myself for anyone. She then went on to speak to me the truest words I have ever heard. She said one day you will find people who love your weird because they are weirdos too.
And just like everything else she told me, she was right.
I am going to be very transparent here, probably more than I ever have before in my life… because I want to show you all how easy it is to conform- even when you think you are doing it to be better. I am not saying don’t improve yourself. We always should be looking to be a kinder person, we should always be learning something new. There will always be areas that require work. Just stay true to self along the way and self evaluate.
I can recall one period of my life that I did compromise who I was. It was a time when I was trying to “redefine” myself. It was during this period that I grew up a lot but also stopped being true to myself in order to “fit in” or get approval.
Side note: During this time, I met completely amazing people. People who have loved me through it all, people who have helped me better a better me, people who never judged me. I am so thankful for the many folks who I met during this time who are a light to me and my family.
So when you (if you are a Judgey Judge Face)- are reading this know that I still LOVE JESUS. Oh, and if you think that I am referring to you specifically- then I probably am. .
The Captain and I were going through the most difficult time in our marriage, it was very near over. We were not kids anymore, but also still not sure how to be adults; all while having a kid of our own and a mortgage. All of our friends at this time were in similar transition and it was just an all around strange time in our life. We knew something (Someone) was missing in our life so we decided to join a church. It changed our lives forever- for the first time, we had a meaningful relationship with Christ. I am forever grateful for the lessons that I learned during this time of my life. This is also the time period that I lost who I was in order to “fit the mold”.
During this time of trying to figure out who I was and who I was going to be, I started to become someone that repulsed me.
(Read here; that not everyone was as described. Again, I also met and still know caring, loving people during this time. But as you will read- some were meanies).
I was morphing into my surroundings by justifying judgement on others. It became the norm to gossip about others while masking it as concern. It was the norm to blast others for not believing the same as “us”. It was normal to “poke fun” of people who were struggling in some way or another. Loving others turned into loving those who looked like us, who lived like us, and isolating those who didn’t fall suit. I became part of a “click” with closed minds and closed off to the actual world around. It was like slowly all of my free thoughts were filtered through the direction of others. Some of the people that I called friends were just like the punks I knew in middle school. They still made fun of the way I dressed, the way I did my hair, and even the way I managed a health scare. They still ridiculed my decisions- the way I spent money, the way I raised my family, the hobbies that I loved, and the actual friends and family that I had. It was like we were all so busy looking at the flaws in others that our own issues became justifiable by comparison. At the time I didn’t realize that I was slowly becoming a mindless sheep all in the so called name of “freedom”. I may have stayed in this mind-numbing life phase had it not been for the love of one of my life long best friends- she was not in the “click”. To spare the details, a very lengthy story, and series of events, I will say this.
Be cautious of people whose actions don’t match their words.
At that moment I was suddenly very aware of all of me that I had compromised.
Now that lots of time since all of this has passed. I can clearly see the areas of myself that I allowed others to stipend. And I refuse to allow that in my life anymore. If I like it, I wear it. If I think it’s funny- I laugh… freaking loudly. If I want to say it, I say it confidently. I no longer keep quiet when hate is justified. I will no longer keep my mouth shut because the truth exposes or offends.
You can judge me all you want, but you won’t hurt me. You can talk about me to all of your friends and laugh about how you think you are better than me, but you won’t dull my sparkle.
I WILL BE WHO I AM! (Big eyes and all!)
So, to make the point of this post.
If you follow me on social media and you feel the need to call your friends and judge me over a post I have made, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think you have it all figured out, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think you see every part of my life on social media, feel free to unfriend me.
If you think the way you believe is the only way, feel free to unfriend me.
If you hate on every post because it makes you feel better about yourself, feel free to unfriend me.
If you still act like middle school bully when you are a grown adult, feel free to unfriend me.
If you enjoy hating on every post just so you and your friends have something to talk about, stay tuned because there will plenty more to come so ENJOY THE SHOW! But be careful! Because I may give you a shout out.
I no longer need “friends” in my life who kill my vibe, who don’t support me, who don’t love me and my family. I no longer allow the opinions of others to define me or my character.
Because freedom is loving yourself. I know who I am. I am proud of where I have been and I know where I am going.
To all the others, thanks for all of your kind comments through the years. I love using social media to share goings on with friends and family who live far away or those I don’t see often. I love seeing your kiddos grow up and your date nights with your spouses. I love the food pics you share. I’ve gotten lots of good recipes from you guys. Keep sharing those travel pics of beautiful places. Thanks for sharing new RD pieces and new ways for me to use glitter. You are what makes it fun for me.
If you are currently struggling with “friends” who are negative to you, who treat you less than you deserve; trust me when I say this. “Bye, Felicia! You don’t need them. Stop hiding your thoughts because you are afraid. Stop hiding because they might see your weirdo.
I have found the most beautiful weirdos in the world to do life with. We all disagree on just about everything but we respect each others thoughts. We tell each other how it is. We raise our pack together, learning from mistakes and praising accomplishments. Life is about moments. When I think of some of the most joyful times in my life, these people were there, or will be there. When I have been broken, they helped put me back together. They help me grow and learn. We have fun together and we are never afraid to be freaking weird!