Cancer didn't steal my Grandmaw

So I started this blog to help me on the journey of the cancer diagnosis that tried to steal my Grandmaw. I failed. I couldn't write a thing and now that the journey is drawing near the end it's clear that I didn't want to accept it or acknowledge it.

Tonight my Grandmaw is sleeping. It won't be much longer until she is called home. The pain of this world happening without her is enough to take my breath. If I could be honest I can't even go there. I'm so mad I could scream. I feel like I'm forcing myself not to fall apart like I'm convincing myself to put one foot in front of the other and to quote Nemo, "just keep swimming."

This cancer is ravenous.  It's the worst kind of cruel. It's devastating and defeating. It's a thief. But it didn't steal my Grandmaw.  You see my Grandmaw fought with all she had and she never once allowed this monster to steal her joy or her faith. She faced it head on. When her hair was falling out she shaved it and put her red lipstick on and rocked her new look. When it hurt she found strength in Christ. When they told her to stay in bed she lavished in sunshine. She is beautiful. She is strong. 

It's so many things like this that makes my Grandmaw the light in my life. She has this incredible smile that is contagious with captivating dark eyes. When I was growing up she had this long beautiful dark hair and my friends said she looked just like Pocahontas. She never failed to give God the glory in all things. She raised me to work hard and say my prayers.

I am struggling. I am a hot mess with a forced smile. It hurts. It sucks for lack of a better word. It wrecks me to see my Grandmaw like this. It's so unreal that the reality makes me ache.

I know that when I am weak He is strong. I am writing this through a constant state of tears and the closer that time comes the more I can feel God's arms wrapping me in His perfect peace. It's the hardest thing I have ever faced in this life but I have His promises written on my heart.